Permenantly Yours
by Masquerade Brawler
Summary: You're not coming back. I know for a fact that you will never ever come back. Please come back. Rated M for language, really. One Shot


**A/N The bolded parentheses are crossed out words**

She sits down resolutely, determined not to cry as she writes this letter. She succeeded in her prior efforts to resist breaking down in her adulthood over the years. He was gone. He'd been gone for four years. And he'd continue being gone after this.

But she _couldn't _forget him.

_She'd never forget him_.

She brushes her thumb against the tattoo on her right shoulder that displayed the words "Permanently Yours" in a sprawling green script and tries not to think about how true they were. She'd been his ever since they'd been forced under that mistletoe. She'd always be his even though she'd moved on with her life.

She takes out a quill and starts to write a letter that would never be read by the man it is intended for.

'_Pancake,_

_Shit. Wow. I was such a kid back then when I came up with that damn nick-name. I'm pretty sure Sevina is more your speed. You're certainly melodramatic enough. Well. Opportunity lost, yeah? I'm not exactly sure why I suddenly felt the need to suddenly write this. **(**__You're not coming back.**)**__ I guess I just have too much time to think between shifts. You have no idea what I'm talking about because I haven't explained shit in this letter yet..._

_Okay so first off I am still a huge brat. I've gotten much more arrogant and I'm now way too self-centred for my own good. I've come to embrace my Siren side because I honestly can't get rid of it since it's engraved in my genetics and by extension a permanent part of me. This usually leads to me being naked at random intervals or ending up tied to SG in a dumpster in Sicily. I still love my hair more than life. (It's at my waist when I forget to cut it which gets mighty annoying). I'm not in an official angsty teenaged band anymore. Sometimes we still get together and play but for the most part we've grown out of it. SG still whines about it sometimes but we've given up the whole "Youth and Whisky" outlook. Huh. That's a lot of words and I'm not even halfway done. Okay so I'm going to talk about other people before I go back to talking about myself._

_SG is no longer a sixteen year old skeleton. He has filled out to the point where I am now the underweight one. I am only 135. I still stand at 6'5 He's at least a good 205 of solid muscle and I am mildly impressed. 7/10 would bang and he gets an automatic immediate ten percent off because he's my best mate and I've seen things. So yes Severus-Gerard is now the hot one and I'm bitter about it._

_Ceasar Fraiser is very angry about your sudden departure. He's still proclaiming himself as your best friend. I still cannot believe you bought his straight act. When I was sitting on the counter letting him fluff my hair he was telling me a story under his breath about how much he'd hated the idea of sucking dick when he first found out he was gay and why he's okay with it now and I was trying so hard not to laugh while he was doing that. He is still a literal mess sometimes. He's working at a coffee shop and his daughter Hailey has gotten so tall. I still can't believe she's only two years older than Jamia._

_Ah. You don't know who Jamia is. Mum had another daughter after Mel a few months after your departure. Her name's Jamia and she puts up with Melody and her hairbow nonsense so I don't have to. She also looks like a lot like Mum, which means by proxy she looks a lot like me and every time I take her out people ask if she's my daughter and that just doesn't feel right. I want children some day of course. I want them a lot. **(**__But I've no one to have them with since you've gone.**)**_

_Freddy is less of a jerk. He's still a jerk he's just less of one now and only has a subtle intolerance for humans. He's still not the cuddly type and I think he's actually asexual even though he refuses to entertain the notion of that possibility. This is typical Freddy Ferrum behaviour that is really nothing surprising to be honest._

_Mum and Dad are the same. Well Mum's toned it down and has stopped pushing us so hard to find mates. She's still pushing. She's just not pushing as hard. Dad's literally just the same way he always was except for his new PH.D in counselling psychology. Oh my Gods he gets so tripped out when we call him "Doctor Black" it's hilarious. They miss you and say if you ever come back you'll have to tell them everything about how stressful being my human **(**__is**)** __was. **(**__I don't have the heart to tell them that I know you won't come back.**)**_

_Julius has taken over your old job at the school and he is very upset that his marriage ring will not deter teenage girls from pitching themselves hopelessly at him. I keep telling him that the Black family features are just too irresistible for him to not be hunted down and sexually harassed by teenagers. He says the stress is getting to him but I think he's all right._

_Vladimir Winechester has gotten so goddamn sassy that I literally cannot recognise him as that shy little wisp that used to nervously withhold my blood bags. He's had a growth spurt and has full on bloomed into his drudge powers and has indeed saved my ass countless times with said powers. He's such a good kid. He's been trying to convince his vampire slayer sister that we're not all monsters. From what I currently know his crusade is not going very well. She hates vampires and will probably never come around. In response to this Vladimir has started a vampire rights campaign. It's called "Vampires are People Too." He's so precious. Honestly._

_Karmen Fraiser is still uncomfortable at the thought of you. I can't imagine why she's so freaked out since from what I know you two haven't exchanged two words with her. Maybe Ceasar told her something horrifying about you to make sure she wouldn't attempt to break us up. Anyway yeah she's still weirded out by you.'_

Keira pauses in her writing biting down on her lip trying to remember who else he'd known when an obvious person pops into her head and she can't believe she hadn't remembered sooner since he was technically the reason she'd even ended up belonging to Severus in the first place. She scoffs at herself and begins to write again.

'_Jakius Romano... I never did tell you that technically he counts as my uncle of sorts since one of my grandmums is his mum. So he and Jasyk actually are my half uncles by Aphrodite but let's not even- No. Anyway he's washed out his brown hair dye and is rocking his pink hair. He's cut it some and it's all spiky in the front. He's usually single and he is just one surprise after another because he has told me something mightily shocking. _

_You know that whole damn pumpkin pie fiasco that ended up bringing you to my place? It wasn't his idea at all. That idea was planted in his mind by none other than Hogwarts' most illustrious ginger Slytherin, Ethan Styx. Jak was just teasing that whole time and he had no idea what was going on in my head until Ethan walked over to him that one day during lunch. Ethan was the mastermind behind that entire thing and I honestly cannot believe I didn't realise that Ethan's demonic little hands were all over it before since I fucking basically grew up with that damn little shit weed._

_Logan Collins has ascended to God status and was going through Olympus' scrutiny to earn his Divine form when he was mysteriously rejected and is currently living on Earth. He took it really hard for a while but he's back on his feet now. I haven't seen him much but I think he's the assistant manager of a music store which suits him. He's a pretty laid back guy still despite that. I hope things work out for him._

_Garrett Edwards has matured quite a lot in terms of his stopping his chasing me about. He has not matured in terms of his wild-child nature and I'm concerned about the amount of parties I have to chaperone him through. __I only ever do any kind of hard drugs and heavy drinking around him.__ He seems to have taken an interest in my cousin Selena and I would approve of that match if he'd stop getting wrecked so much. **(**__He's trying to forget everything.**)**__ The Fifth War was really hard on him. It was hard on all of us but- You don't know what the Fifth War is yet._

_Chloe the Death Angel has both obtained herself a last name and a woman's body. She is now Chloe Older and has gained Thanatos' favour. She's even gotten her old job back now that SG's reigning over Death now. And she's legitimately trying hard to get over her careless disdain for the entire human race which I think is good for her._

_Troy Fraiser is still very glad he was allowed to keep his face. He was a perfect gentleman and informed me that he couldn't go to the Yule Ball with me way ahead of time so I took Dyler Beuraguard instead. I think you know of Dyler. He's my ex-fiance. He's a bigtime porn-star now and we still hang out sometimes. Platonically of course. **(**__I am still yours__.**)**_

_Ariek is on his way to becoming a normal brother. He doesn't constantly feel my feelings anymore because I now have the power to dull our connection and it throws us out of that weird perfect synch we had. We fight all of the time and I'm honestly glad for this fact because it means we are as normal as supernatural siblings get and he is growing out of his over protective brother phase that he was going through. He's also caught on to my complete disinterest in engaging in a twincestuous relationship and while he is not actively seeking a mate that isn't me yet he's growing a little less bitter because he was a bit nasty after you left for quite a while. He's grudgingly admitted to missing you once during one of Dad's sessions which both surprised me and warmed my heart._

_Melody is. Well. She's still Melody and that doesn't bother me as much as it used to. At least she's started responding to her birth name again and has stopped calling herself "Kimmy." She's gone through her whole painful pitch control thing that we young Sirens go through and I'm honestly a better sister towards her I swear. I even tell her I love her and take her places with me sometimes._

_Marc has grown out of his strange crawling through the forest obsession and is no longer a risk for spreading demonic lice. He still has the most metaphysical power out of all us Black children and is well on his way to becoming the world's next Oracle. He constantly mutters about he misses "how quiet your thoughts were" and I think he misses you the most out of all of my family members. He's still a sweet kid and probably my favourite sibling. Okay. Tyler is my favourite sibling. Marckus is my favourite younger sibling._

_That's it for updates one everyone you knew before you left. Now back to my favourite subject. **(**__Us.**)**__ A girl by the name of Keira Septimis Claudius __Demetra __Black. I wish that I could say that I fell apart when you left because you were my whole world and I never recovered from the devestation of you leaving. That's how typical pathetic romances go, right? Like when Romeo thought Juliet was dead and decided he should poison himself because he couldn't live without her. I'm supposed to be Romeo realise my Juliet's gone and be torn up forever, right?_

_Thing is I **wasn't**. _

_I cried a lot over you for ages. I wondered where you went and why you left me and for a long time I __**hated **__you because you said you wouldn't push me away you said you wouldn't let me go. _

_So I rebelled for three months straight. I stopped listening to my parents. I started drinking more and caring less about everything. My grades actually went up because I am an extremist and I still wanted to graduate. I got my next tattoo without Dad's permission even though I promised I wouldn't do that again. I stopped talking to my friends about how I was doing and I was a holy terror when I led a Quidditch practise. _

_I bet by now you're wondering what changed if I just wrote that I wasn't that way forever. _

_**I **__changed. I woke up one morning and realised that this raw anger wasn't who I am. _

_I wasn't any happier being that way. I was a person, not some destructive force and __**I was not broken. **_

_I was just hurt. So I let go of the pain of you leaving me and I focused on myself. **(**__I hope that's what you would want__.**)** I realised that I was fighting nothing except than myself. And I was losing. _

_I realised that sometimes people leave. Sometimes they have to leave and there's nothing you can do but say goodbye to the space they left behind. **(**__Why did you say you would stay? Why did you tell me you wanted to hold on to me?**)**__ I stopped acting like a hurricane. I pulled myself together with the assistance of an old friend of my brother's and I healed. I scarred but I healed and I __was__ am fine. Now there are some things I have not explained in this letter that I will get to._

_The Underworld had a war. It's referred to as The Fifth War because it lasted five hundred years. Well down there at least. On Earth it was only five months. But this was a war between Hades (my grandfather) and Thanatos (SG's grandfather). _

_If either side had won it would've torn the current Earth apart, thus killing everyone upon it, and been renewed with the winning side as the ruling part of its Underworld. We aren't exactly sure why they had so much tension between them that erupted into a war but we (SG and I) were as Hades' most powerful descendant and the most powerful Necromancer of the age to fight against each other. _

_We meant nothing to them as children. We were **children** then. We were just __**weapons**__ to them. I was a weapon. Your son was a weapon. We were means to an end. __**And what an end we were**__. _

_We fought their war on our own terms. They gave us armies that we turned against them and we fought for our cause. And we won. I still have nightmares about the Final Battle. The sound of metal on metal instantly transports me back to staring into __my own uncle__ Drevor's eyes with our tridents locked as I listen to SG's scythe crashing against Thanatos besides me._

_Fighting that war cost almost everything. Maybe that's why we won it at even greater ones. Maybe that's why when I cross the path of an older Necromancer and they spit the name "The Dragon's Maw" at me __**I sneer instead of flinching. (**__Maybe that's why I can forgive myself for Finley.**)**__ I suppose it doesn't matter now. I can't go back. I can't stop myself from slaughtering millions of young demons and Necromancers __**with a wave of my hand**__ and smiling as I watched their bodies rise to fight for our cause at SG's command. _

_**(**I can wash the blood of battle out of my armour but I cannot cleanse it off of my soul.**)**_

_Maybe it's good you left when you did. You didn't have to see the monster I **(**__am**)**__ was._

_Anyways... Remember when we were in my room and you were cross-examining me about Devin and I wouldn't tell you anything other than he was "cute"? Well. I'll tell you now. Why not?_

_Devin was my first kinda sorta boyfriend. I say kinda sorta because we were nine and I was his girlfriend because he told me I was. He had orange hair and blue eyes and he was very boisterous even for a demon. He was shorter than me and he would follow me around The Academy and put his arm around my shoulder and say "I love her. This is my girlfriend." After about two weeks his routine got pretty annoying and I admitted to him I didn't even know what a girlfriend was but I didn't want to be his. He cried and ran off yelling that he hated me. _

_I saw him again years later. He was the first demon general on Hades side to pledge his troops to ours. I met his new girlfriend briefly before she died. She refused to fight alongside "The Corpse Corrupter."(SG's kind little warlord title.) So he turned his head away and issued the command that declared she was committing treason. The proper punishment for refusing your general's command is a beheading. I didn't refuse him. Do you still bow to my superior judgement?_

_Devin survived after The Fifth War. We don't talk much honestly. We never had much in common except for The Academy. He seems to be doing all right. He lost two of his brothers in the war and sometimes I write him a letter to ask how he's doing. He was quite a strong ally. And he's still shorter than me._

_So I have a job. I'm a Dispatcher. Long story short the Vampire Council tells SG, Freddy and I that some rouge Supernatural creatures are running amuck and threatening our peace and we all go out to kill them and then we go out for food. It pays well and we get pretty damn good scheduling. So I'm a proper adult now. I've got a career, a license, a car, a life **(**__of sorts**)**__. **(**__The only thing I'm missing is you.**)**__ I'm content enough in this life but there are still nights when I wake up, I say your name and I reach for you and you aren't there and I am for that one moment seventeen again and losing **(**__my human**)**__ you all over again. I am __**your**__**s**. You were mine. I **(**__still**)**__ am your stupid girl and you were my __human**.**__ You are my **Pancake**._

_**(**I don't want to sleep alone anymore. I still need you. And I was telling the truth when I said there would never be anyone else because there hasn't been and there will never be, because I am permanently yours just like the tattoo on my shoulder says and nothing in this world will ever change that.**)**_

_You are not coming back **(**__to me**)**.__ You're not coming back. I know for a fact that you will never ever come back. __**Please come back**__._

_Sighed,_

_Your Jingle Bells'_

Of course at this point she pushes the letter away and walks away from her desk, sobbing hard at this point.

The only course of action that occurs to her is to walk through the Floo to her parent's house without a word to SG.

She starts to look through the room where he'd first told her he loved her and as she curls up in the bottom bunk to finally break down she catches his scent perfectly preserved on the other pillow she hadn't used since then and when she pulls it up to her face to breathe in his scent she feels the edge of a photograph and frowns curiously.

It's on its back and she recognises Ceasar's meticulous handwriting.

'_Keira,_

_Hah, I took this gem while you and Sev were arguing. You guys didn't even notice. I'm a fucking ninja. I totally have a cuter one of you two sucking face on that couch before ya'll got all handsy and moany but you'll have to be extra nice to me to get that one._

_Fray-Fray'_

She flips it over and sees a still photograph of her teenaged self looking utterly scandalised with Severus' hand caught between her teeth as he smirks at her with his hand on her hip.

It makes her heart skip for a moment and she realised there was a reason the gay poetry Muse held such a special place in her heart.

She takes the pillow's case and the photo back home and walks back to her makeshift study see SG peering curiously at her desk.

"I swear I didn't read it!" he promises honestly.

"You can if you want. It's going in an envelope soon." she replies quietly as she secures the orange fabric under her arm.

Her best friend's curiosity gets the best of him and the young Death God soon pushes his glasses up on his nose before picking up the letter and struggling through it, his left arm's tattoo sleeve gleaming with the houses artificial light.

It takes him twenty minutes or so to power through the letter but when he's done he hands it to her silently.

She folds it into an envelope and tucks that along with the picture into the pillow case.

SG knows there will be a time to tease her about his segment of the letter later and leaves her to finish whatever she was doing.

She takes the mementos into the room she shares with Dani Grimm and walks over to the bed she owns for show to open the trap door next to it that leads to the cellar that holds her coffin.

She places all of these things carefully before closing the lid and quietly saying words that she knew she still believed.

"I need you to come back."

**A/N I hope you all cried... It's what I live for.**


End file.
